CONCORD Tells Pirates Where to Go
Kichae Chandramani
Jafo Entertainment & News, Inc.
Yulai – After months of heated negotiations, the Consolidated Cooperation and Relations Command’s committee on criminal affairs, the Galactic Regional Authority on Pirate Encounters, has finally come to an agreement with six of the cluster’s largest freewheeling corporate citizens and advocacy groups regarding their use of so-called null-security space, or nullsec.
The agreement, struck between CONCORD and the Angel Cartel, Blood Raiders, Guristas, Sansha’s Nation, Serpentis Corporation, and rogue drones, and which deals with operations beyond the borders of the five empires, will see these groups tailor their nullsec activities to CONCORD’s official security index. In exchange for compliance, CONCORD has agreed to offer the pirates a voucher good for 5% off their next purchase of 500,000,000 isk or more at any CONCORD operated facility.
“It is the opinion of CONCORD that all pilots and organizations strictly adhere to their system’s security rating,” says Obuchi Shikamaa, CONCORD’s Chief Coordinator of Public Relations. “We expect full compliance with our completely arbitrary, ad hoc, and static star system safety rating system. Reality will bend to our will, or it’ll face the consequences of our expertly crafted maze of bureaucratic red tape.”
“Also, it’ll have to pay full price for Shakin’ Bacon at their local CONCORD Personal Provision Procurement Shop.”
“Given the current state of the economy, we can use every break available to us,” says Trald Vukenda, leader of the Angel Cartel. “Twenty-five million credits here, twenty-five million credits there... It all adds up.”
“Blip blip, bdbdbdbdbdrrrrrr,” beeped Unit 15,433,816,331,934, the appointed representative of the rogue drones, in agreement with Mr. Vukenda’s assessment of the deal.
While the largest criminal syndicates in the sector seem pleased with the arrangement that they negotiated with CONCORD, it’s not without its share of critics. Many organizations were not invited to the table, even though CONCORD expects them to adhere to the accord, and they have begun to band together to voice their displeasure.
The saintly Mr. Omgits Jafo, Esq. heads the Jafo Union of Interested Corporate Entities, the growing association of morally and legally upright and outstanding organizations who make their home in nullsec, and who are discontent with CONCORD’s decision to regulate nullsec activities and the paracriminal interstellar organizations who have bowed to CONCORD’s demands.
“There’s just so much wrong with this that I don’t even know where to start,” says Mr. Jafo. “CONCORD has overstepped its mandate by so much, it’s not even visible anymore. The fact that they’re behaving as if this contract is the least bit valid, or that anyone is the least bit bound by it, is beyond ridiculous. We didn’t sign anything, we have not been enticed to sign anything, and there has been no promise of compensation by CONCORD to anyone else for limiting our activities. CONCORD has no jurisdiction over nullsec, and we’re not about to grant it any without a fight, or at least a game of musical chairs.”
CONCORD itself has been tight lipped with regards to its critics, going so far as to not even acknowledge them.
“CONCORD’s arrogance will be its downfall,” says Dr. Anne Grey, the Director of Public Relations for Doctors Without Hoarders, and a founding member of the Jafo Union of Interested Corporate Entities. “CONCORD’s silence on the issue of its jurisdiction speaks volumes to us, and to the people of New Eden. They can pretend that everything’s ok, and they can pretend that we don’t exist, but they’re living in a world of make believe.”
Chan.JENI
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